no answer petrograd

location: õismäe, tallinn, estonia
time: 2010 november 

i don’t think i’ll ever be as happy as i was in that autumn in estonia

the wilderness downtown

time: 23.11.2010.
location: lasnamäe, tallinn, estonia

take the bus number 65 in a gloomy late autumn day. bus 65 is like a sightseeing line to lovers of housing estates (~ catastrophe tourists)

it leaves from the airport, and meanders long long time in the deepest greyness. traveler would think that it is the end of the world, but bus takes a curve and a new endless row of blocks appears to the eye. how many people are living there actually? all of these incredible number of dwellings are habited? what are they doing in a winter day, when there is three ours of daylight, and it looks like this? what are they doing in a house that stands in the middle of nothing? i wanna see their homes, dull yellow of lamps, subtle lace curtains in the kitchen window, facing a city covered with concrete, thinking about beauty.

as we are getting far away from downtown, number of russian words is growing. as if driver would say the stops in russian as well… number of overweight, fake blonde and displeased girls is growing. but old ladies are smiling. they are going to the prisma centre, with bags in their hands. in some microdistricts streets are almost busy: people hurrying on the pavement, waiting in the bus stop, which reminds to real life. in other places there is no one, only some random little girl with her father, but they don’t seem so real, rather memories from last christmas, while mummy was decorating the tree.

what happened in the last century?

some buildings have maybe twenty floors, i can’t see exactly. some buildings have oly five floors. they are placed to the ground diagonally, rows after rows. this is the first housing estate in my life which i can experience perfectly as it was on the scale size model. i am in the dream of soviet architects. i can see little blonde girls dancing tuljak in the spacious areas between the buildings. other parts of the world seem so unreal from here. what is still waiting for us?

and then what is this happiness?